Humor/Jokes/:lol:

[500ZHP]

I am sure some of you all are sitting on some great funny stories/jokes/:lol:
Post them up so we all can read them.

[500ZHP]

Going to start with one a good number of you all have seen.
Have a serious problem
So lately my wife has been working alot of evening shifts, and for the past couple months has been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn't mind, I would rather have someone with her in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems that they have become a little bit more than friends. You know the scenario, the phone calls that hangup, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, talking about him all the time, etc. I don't know what to think. If I'm out in the garage when she gets home (usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I'm in the house (they think I'm sleeping) they sit out in the car for like twenty minutes. I asked her once what they were doing, she said "just talking"....whatever. So last night I decide that I'm going to see what really goes on out there. I leave the garage door open, but turn out all the lights. About the time she usually gets home, I go out and hide in the garage and wait. In a few minutes, his car pulls into my driveway, and I'm hiding behind the E36. When his headlights shine through the garage and onto my car, I see something that I just can't believe. Both wheels on the passenger side have major curb rash. Do you guys think I should replace them with factory or go aftermarket?

[500ZHP]

A Wisconsin couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during this icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent there honeymoon 10 years before. Becuse of there hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel times. So, the husband left Madison and flew to Florida on Thursday with his wife to follow the next day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago there was a computer in each room. So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address. With out noticing the error sent the e-mail

Meanwhile.........In Atlanta Georgia, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the first message->Screamed and fainted. The son rushed into the room. Found his mother on the floor, and glanced up at the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Thursday January 03, 2008
Subject: I Have Arrived!
Dearest Love, I know you are suprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I have arrived and have been checked in. I will see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is bloody hot down here!

[500ZHP]

Marriage Seninar

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication.

Tom and his wife Joyce listened to the instructor.

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes"

He addressed the men.

"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touching his wife's arm gently and whispering "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

[blackstig]

A black woman walks into a pharmacy looking for tampons . . . .

She gets up to the register and asks the man there "What tampons should I get?"

He says "Well . . .what's your flow like?"

She says "Linolium"

HAHAHA!

-Stig

[Philip]

A black woman walks into a pharmacy looking for tampons . . . .

She gets up to the register and asks the man there "What tampons should I get?"

He says "Well . . .what's your flow like?"

She says "Linolium"

HAHAHA!

-Stig


http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/wokka.jpg

[500ZHP]

Alcohol



http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=4769

:beerchug:

[500ZHP]

Golfing with the Wife

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her Ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivees?' Ole demanded.

'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says,

'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt Also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over Her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?'

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money at be able at affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,

'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.'

[EnderM3]

thanks that one just gave me the willies