Chuck Norris

[Philip]

The movie Alien vs Predator was based on a biographical account of Chuck Norris's first sexual encounter.

[88e28]

????????

[Philip]

????????

HAHAHAHA!!!

Hang on Wayne, I'll get you caught up.

Taken from Wikipedia:
In late 2005, Norris became the object of an internet phenomenon known as Chuck Norris Facts, which document fictional, often absurdly heroic feats and characteristics about Norris himself. The phenomenon originally started in the "Vin Diesel Fact Generator", and Chuck Norris Facts were created as a byproduct, often using the same facts featured in the Vin Diesel Fact Generator. In time, Chuck Norris Facts became wildly popular, even more so than the original Vin Diesel Fact Generator. Norris has written his own response to the parody on his website, stating that he does not feel offended by them, and finds some of them funny.[16] He made an appearance on The Best Damn Sports Show, Period, where he commented on 11 of them, with his favorite being: "They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard."

[88e28]

WOW!! Did'nt know that.

[Philip]

WOW!! Did'nt know that.

Here, this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris_Facts) explains everything.

[Philip]

Well, now that we have that established, did you know that before the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris?
Also, Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
And finally, outer space only exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

[GCR]

1.Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck.

2.Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

3.little kids look under their bed for monsters, monsters look under their bed for chuck norris.

4. children wear super man pajamas, superman wears chuck norris pajamas.

5. chuck norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he never crys.

6.Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

7.You know why Waldo is hiding all the time? Chuck Norris.

8.chuck norris does not sleep. he waits.

9.It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

10.Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

11.Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

12.Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

13.Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

14.At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

15.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

16.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

17.If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the heck down.

18.Chuck Norris can speak braille.

19.The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.

20.If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

21.Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris jokes ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.

22.Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

23.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck he wants.

24.Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

25.We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

26.Chuck Norris is not endowed like a horse... horses are endowed like Chuck Norris

27.The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.

28.A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

29.Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.

30.Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back off.

31. Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

32.Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.

33.Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

34.The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.

35.Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"

36.Chuck Norris wears custom made boots with his name imprinted on the bottom. The reason being is so if anyone ever asks him for his autograph, they will get it permanently across the side of their face.

37.When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.

38.Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Chuck Norris is watching.

39.Herbal Essences contains traces of Chuck Norris' musk. That is why it makes women scream.

40.Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
___

[Philip]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! GCR, those are awesome! I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard!
"It is impossible to be raped by Chuck norris..."
"...Only chuck Norris delivers Chuck Norris"
LOL

[500ZHP]

http://www.pumpago.com/pictures/images/1183088330_2267.jpg


http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

[Philip]

http://www.pumpago.com/pictures/images/1183088330_2267.jpg


http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Blocked by the firewall

[Justin]

LOL this is awesome! Chuck Norris FTW!

Those were good thanks GCR!

[500ZHP]

Blocked by the firewall

NO! blocked by Chuck Norris.

[Philip]

NO! blocked by Chuck Norris.

I just spit coffee out onto my keyboard when I read that! Thanks, lol!

[blackstig]

It's impossible for a firewall to block www.chucknorris.com

If you google "Chuck Norris Gets His Ass Kicked" You'll return Zero Results

Chuck Norris Once Punted A Baby Into Orbit

Chuck Norris won't do a GOD DAMN THING for a Klondike Bar!

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris knows the LAST DIGIT in Pi

Chuck Norris can divide by ZERO

Chuck Norris once delivered a roundhouse kick so fast that it ripped the space/time continum kicking Amelia Earhart as she crossed the English Channel.

Chuck Norris can play Spades . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alone!

LMAO! I love that one!

-Stig

[88e28]

Everyone is being funny today.LOL

[atl530i]

NO! blocked by Chuck Norris.

LOLOLOL

This thread is great!

[88e28]

I know, I keep laughing.

[atl530i]

If you google "Chuck Norris Gets His Ass Kicked" You'll return Zero Results

-Stig

You know if you Googled French Victories it would come up with French defeats... They fixed that now unfortunately.

[Philip]

LOLOLOL

Chuck Norris is great!

Fixed.

[Philip]

You know if you Googled French Victories it would come up with French defeats... They fixed that now unfortunately.

I know! That **** was hilarious!

[atl530i]

Fixed.

My bad, this thread AND Chuck Norris are great.

I know! That **** was hilarious!

There was another one on Google too, I forgot what that was though :(.

[88e28]

I see Philip started this, He must be bored today.

[Philip]

I see Philip started this, He must be bored today.

Saturdays in the service department at Global are pretty boring. I had no idea it would take off like this though! lol
It's very entertaining.
Maybe it's because everyone knows better than to ignore a thread called "Chuck Norris".

[atl530i]

If we all ignored this thread Chuck Norris would visit all of our homes and whoop our asses... So it is a must see thread.

[Philip]

If we all ignored this thread Chuck Norris would visit all of our homes and whoop our asses... So it is a must see thread.

I'm not risking a roundhouse kick to the forehead.

[Philip]

-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
-Also, the best-laid plans of mice and men may often go awry, but even the worst-laid plans of chuck norris come off without a hitch.
-It is often said that "every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten". Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.
-Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
-Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a chuck norris fight.
-Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
-Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a contest of "Who has more testicles?." Chuck Norris won by 5.

[88e28]

Thats Funny.

[Philip]

Never look at gift Chuck Norris in the mouth

-because he will bite your damn eyes off!

And Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

[Stretch]

Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep with a nightlight, the dark put it there because its scared of Chuck Norris.

[Philip]

Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[88e28]

everytime I open this I laugh.

[Jdudley13]

Under Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, just another fist to punch you with.

When chuck norris was born he immediately had sex with every nurse in the hospital. The resulting children became the 1972 Undefeated, World Champion Miami Dolphins

[Stretch]

Chuck Norris doesnt do pushups, he pushes the world down.

Superman runs faster than a locomotive and leaps tall buildings in a single bound...That is just Chuck Norris' warmup.

[atl530i]

Keep them coming! This thread (and CN) are great.

[atl530i]

My fav:

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Others:
# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

[Stretch]

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..

[Philip]

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/chuckpwned.jpg

[Philip]

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/Chuck_norris_toilet_paper.png

[Jdudley13]

hahahahah thats badass

[Philip]

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/chuckcropcircles.jpg

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

[88e28]

Turned on the TV this morning and started laughing. Chuck Norris is endorsing one of the presidential Candidates.

[Philip]

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

[88e28]

Stop it Philip!! Everytime I get away from this Thread it draws me back in.

[Philip]

Stop it Philip!! Everytime I get away from this Thread I begin to fear that Chuck Norris will appear out of the darkness and roundhouse kick me into 1987!

Fixed.

[88e28]

Lol :)

[MachSchnell]

This thread is the best...I have to find my list of Norrisisms:wet:

[Jdudley13]

Turned on the TV this morning and started laughing. Chuck Norris is endorsing one of the presidential Candidates.

haha, at least we'll know who to vote for. I'm affraid to see what happens to those who vote against him...I predict death by roundhouse kicks will rise 87%

[88e28]

To all the Moderaters lets close this due to much laughing.

[atl530i]

To all the Moderaters lets close this due to much laughing.

Can't do that, Chuck Norris would find me and roundhouse kick me...


This thread is awesome. Keep them all coming.

[Catmint]

Turned on the TV this morning and started laughing. Chuck Norris is endorsing one of the presidential Candidates.

Yup, Mike Huckabee. I got an email a couple weeks ago from the Huckabee campaign about the ad before it came out. It's a pretty popular ad. Pretty cool endorsement, too. :)

[Philip]

When Mike Huckabee chews bubblegum, the bubblegum screams.

Mike Huckabee once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now simply The Islands.

[Catmint]

HA! Huckabee FTW!

[SWINFORD]

Lolololololololol

[Mitch]

I bet Chuck Norris drives a M5! :)

[Philip]

I bet Chuck Norris drives a M5! :)

Actually Chuck Norris drives a stock 528i, but when he's behind the wheel it somehow makes the same 507bhp as the M5.

[Stretch]

Actually Chuck Norris drives a stock 528i, but when he's behind the wheel it somehow makes the same 507bhp as the M5.

I thought he drove an Isetta?..

[Philip]

When Mike Huckabee goes to donate blood, he asks for a hand-gun and a bucket.

[Stretch]

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

[Lsixer]

Apparently she got in Chuck's way ...

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w245/lsixer/oldwomendriversab4.jpg

Chuck's grooming tools for his ***** ..... note read the writing on label.

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w245/lsixer/screwdriversetwarningmc3.jpg

[Philip]

Apparently she got in Chuck's way ...

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w245/lsixer/oldwomendriversab4.jpg

Chuck's grooming tools for his ***** ..... note read the writing on label.

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w245/lsixer/screwdriversetwarningmc3.jpg

WHAT!?
Seriously, who needs to be told "Don't jam a screwdriver in your dick"?

[Catmint]

More importantly, why did they have to include an illustration to make their point?

[Philip]

More importantly, why did they have to include an illustration to make their point?

Well thats obviously for morons who are both illiterate and stupid enough to "misuse" a screwdriver like that.

[Philip]

I know who I'm voting for (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDUQW8LUMs8)

[Catmint]

Isn't that the coolest friggin' political ad ever??? He already had my vote months ago because of the Fair Tax, but a politician with a sense of humor is just icing on the cake.

The 2008 Republican Party ticket: Huckabee/Norris

FTW, of course. ;)

[Philip]

Isn't that the coolest friggin' political ad ever??? He already had my vote months ago because of the Fair Tax, but a politician with a sense of humor is just icing on the cake.

The 2008 Republican Party ticket: Huckabee/Norris

FTW, of course. ;)

LOL! +1.

[Philip]

Every time I watch that ad I friggin die laughing! Huckabee's delivery is what makes it. The man is a natural!

[Jdudley13]

More importantly, why did they have to include an illustration to make their point?

Wow, i didn't even notice that...wow, all I can say is wow..

That might be the best political ad that i've ever seen.

[Philip]

Mike Huckabee once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

[Philip]

Mike huckabee once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Mike huckabee re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Mike Huckabee once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had knew karate.

Little known medical fact: Mike Huckabee invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.

[SWINFORD]

More importantly, why did they have to include an illustration to make their point?
some peps cant read lol
I know who I'm voting for (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDUQW8LUMs8)

:icon18:

[Philip]

some peps cant read lol


:icon18:

LOL! Got me.
Actually I'm just joking about voting for huckabee because of the ad. I am stuck between Huckabee and Mitt Romney. (based on their political stance, not funny ads)
Which reminds me- We should have a political discussion sub-forum for the sake of keeping those inevitable topics out of the rest of the forum.

[Philip]

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian

[SWINFORD]

LOL! Got me.
Actually I'm just joking about voting for huckabee because of the ad. I am stuck between Huckabee and Mitt Romney. (based on their political stance, not funny ads)
Which reminds me- We should have a political discussion sub-forum for the sake of keeping those inevitable topics out of the rest of the forum.
:werd:
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian

LOL

[Jdudley13]

I'm always up for a political thread...

[Philip]

I'm always up for a political thread...

I think Admin has to set something like that up. (Aka Bill)

[Mitch]

Political threads never end well. Not everyone can be happy with the results, so lets pass on the politics here. Besides, this is a Chuck Norris thread!!

[88e28]

Political threads never end well. Not everyone can be happy with the results, so lets pass on the politics here. Besides, this is a Chuck Norris thread!!

+ 1 I agree about Political Thread.

[Philip]

Chuck Norris came to my job today. When he couldn't find the door to the waiting room he roundhouse kicked the wall. This is what's left.

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/wallatwork.jpg

[Jdudley13]

What a badass..

[mistertripps]

I heard Chuck Norris uses Miatas for toothpicks and wipes his butt with Corollas.... :icon18:

[Philip]

I heard Chuck Norris uses Miatas for toothpicks and wipes his butt with Corollas.... :icon18:

LOL
Actually Chuck Norris drove a Miata once. He drag raced a Hemi Charger in it, and won. It turns out when the Charger started to pull, Chuck roundhouse kicked the Miata's gas pedal and it stood up on the back wheels and left the Charger in the dust.

[Philip]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/chuckshooting.gif

[500ZHP]

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/ap/20071222/119831496000.html



Trading karate chops for lawyers, tough guy actor Chuck Norris is taking on a new book titled "The Truth About Chuck Norris," saying it's a big lie and he wants to stop its distribution.

On Friday, Norris sued Penguin Group Inc. and the book's creator, Ian Spector, saying his good image is being spoiled by a book that depicts him as callous and unlawful and which he says includes false "facts" that are sometimes racist and lewd.

In a lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, the actor, whose real name is Carlos Ray Norris, says the preface of the book refers to meetings between Norris and Spector, a Westbury, N.Y., resident and an undergraduate at Brown University, and the book also thanks Norris for "playing along."

But, the lawsuit said, Norris never authorized Penguin or its Gotham Books division to use his name, image or likeness in connection with commercial sales of the book, which was published on Nov. 29.

The lawsuit said Norris told Penguin it was not authorized to publish the book but the publisher rejected Norris' claims. The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages, a halt to publication and a recall of books already sold.

A message left with a spokesman for Penguin was not immediately returned.

Norris has been in more than 20 films. The actor was a six-time undefeated World Professional Middle Weight Karate champion who in 1997 became the first man in the Western Hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree Black Belt Grand Master recognition in the Tae Kwon Do system, the lawsuit said.

[500ZHP]

The guy really has a interesting history.

This modern-day Horatio Alger's father was an alcoholic, his mother raised him and his two brothers for 10 years on welfare, but blond, muscular and mustachioed Chuck Norris discovered martial arts during a stint in the Air Force, developing self-discipline and self-esteem that have taken him to the top of the entertainment industry. The Professional World Middleweight Karate Champion from 1968 until retiring undefeated in 1974, Norris entered film at the urging of his celebrity karate student Steve McQueen and under the auspices of Bruce Lee, playing the villain opposite Lee in "Return of the Dragon" (1973). He later parlayed his martial arts prowess into a career in gung-ho action movies like "Good Guys Wear Black" (1979), "Lone Wolf McQuade" (1983), his first crack at creating the character of a Texas Ranger, and "Missing in Action" (1984), which spawned two sequels.

Good-looking in a stern-faced yet Robert Redford-ish sort of way, Norris has taken some shots about his acting (TIME once called him "the most successful really terrible actor since Audie Murphy"), but his style has always been appropriate to the conventions of the genre, as he adopted a Charles Bronson style of terse, determined stoicism to the many perils his characters faced. He took his act to TV, headlining the popular series "Walker, Texas Ranger" (CBS, 1993-2001), surprising everyone with its strong showing on Saturday night and eventual rise into the Top 20. Norris takes umbrage at critics who decry his show as the most violent on TV. In the spirit of martial arts, Walker "kicks butt" only as a last resort, always championing right over wrong, and his large, loyal family viewing audience has responded enthusiastically to the show's moral content.

Also Credited As: Carlos Ray Norris JrBorn: on 03/10/1940 in Ryan, OklahomaJob Titles: Actor, Fight choreographer, Producer, Screenwriter, Author, Singer, Filing clerk, Karate instructorFamily
Brother: Aaron Norris. born c. 1952; directed brother in episodes of "Walker, Texas Ranger" and served as executive producer
Daughter: Danilee Kelley Norris. twin of Dakota; born on August 30, 2001; mother, Gena Norris
Daughter: Dina Norris. born in 1964; mother, Dianne Holecheck
Father: Carlos Ray Norris Sr. Cherokee Indian; was an alcoholic
Mother: Wilma Norris. Irish
Son: Dakota Alan Norris. twin of Danilee; born on August 30, 2001; mother, Gena Norris
Son: Eric Norris. born in 1965; mother, Dianne Holecheck; directed episodes of "Walker, Texas Ranger"
Son: Mike Norris. born in 1963; mother, Dianne Holecheck
Significant Others
Companion: Monica Hall. engaged; planned August 1996 wedding, but called it off
Milestones
1952 Moved to Torrance, California at age 12 (by this time had moved 16 times with family) (date approximate)
1958 Enlisted in Air Force and sent to Korea (nicknamed Chuck by Air Force buddies); served in military police
1961 Returned to USA from Korea with a black belt in karate and a brown belt in judo
1962 Began teaching karate
1968 Was World Middleweight Karate Champion; held title until retired from competition
1968 Film debut as Garth in "The Wrecking Crew"; uttered one line to Dean Martin in a bar; Bruce Lee was "karate advisor" on film
1968 Opened a chain of karate schools in Los Angeles, attracting a number of celebrity pupils including the Osmond family and Steve McQueen who urged him to enter acting (date approximate)
1969 Earned the Triple Crown for the highest number of tournament wins; named Fighter of the Year by BLACK BELT magazine
1971 Karate schools went into debt
1973 Played a baddie opposite Bruce Lee in "Return of the Dragon"
1976 First starring role, "Breaker, Breaker"
1979 First succesful film as star, "Good Guys Wear Black"
1983 "Lone Wolf McQuade" established Norris as a bonafide, crossover box-office star; played maverick Texas Ranger
1984 Scored big hit with "Missing in Action", which spawned two sequels
1985 Co-wrote (with James Bruner) the screenplay for "Invasion USA"
1988 Reteamed with Bruner, writing "Braddock: Missing in Action III"; first time directed by brother Aaron
1993 Best known for playing Cordell Walker on the CBS series, "Walker, Texas Ranger"; also executive produced
1993 First film as executive producer, "Sidekicks"
1994 Debuted as song performer of theme song ("Eyes of a Ranger") for "Walker, Texas Ranger"
1996 Became first westerner to be awarded an eighth-degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do
2002 Starred in and produced (with brother Aaron) the CBS political drama, "The President's Man: A Line in the Sand"
2004 Made a cameo appearance in the comedy "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
2005 Reprised his role as Cordell Walker for the CBS Movie of the Week, "Walker, Texas Ranger: Trial By Fire"
2006 Began penning a column for the conservative news website WorldNetDaily
2007 Filled in for Sean Hannity as a co-host on the popular Fox News Channel debate program "Hannity & Colmes"
Became devoted to judo and karate in Oscan, Korea (first studied Tang Soo Du)

[Philip]

Why doesn't he just roundhouse kick the books out of existence?
P.S. I'm definitely stopping by Barnes & Noble on the way home today. Anybody else want a copy?
:wet:

[blackstig]

Only one person in HISTORY has EVER beaten Chuck Norris in a fight!

Jollied with his victory over Chuck, he then moved on to create the Heavens and the Earth in 6 days.

LOL!

-Stig

[Philip]

Only one person in HISTORY has EVER beaten Chuck Norris in a fight!

Jollied with his victory over Chuck, he then moved on to create the Heavens and the Earth in 6 days.

LOL!

-Stig


I saw that fight. He won on a technicality.

[Infidel]

You know if you Googled French Victories it would come up with French defeats... They fixed that now unfortunately.

it still works, I just checked it. go to www.google.com, then type "french victories", then hit "I'm feeling lucky"

Oh, and the only thing I don't like about Chuck is his crazy religious views.

[atl530i]

it still works, I just checked it. go to www.google.com, then type "french victories", then hit "I'm feeling lucky"

Oh, and the only thing I don't like about Chuck is his crazy religious views.

Agreed about his religious views.

Google is awesome.

[mistertripps]

Count from 1 to 10..........................That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you....................47 times.

[Jdudley13]

it still works, I just checked it. go to www.google.com, then type "french victories", then hit "I'm feeling lucky"

Oh, and the only thing I don't like about Chuck is his crazy religious views.

Agreed about his religious views.

Google is awesome.

I would watch for round house kicks coming your way on the ride home...

-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

[Jdudley13]

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

[Philip]

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

[atl530i]

I did not know that Norris was so old. I feel bad for the nursing home that gets him as a patient. Wrong meds = round house kicks for the entire staff....

[Jdudley13]

Sorry to bring it back, but I had to....

Chuck Norris won the Heisman....5 Times

[500ZHP]

Why doesn't he just roundhouse kick the books out of existence?
P.S. I'm definitely stopping by Barnes & Noble on the way home today. Anybody else want a copy?
:wet:

Did you buy that book?

[EnderM3]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee86/philipwot/chuckshooting.gif

Well if ya like that

http://binary242.com/host/forum/bob/pics/gifs/chuck-norris-says.gif
http://binary242.com/host/forum/bob/pics/gifs/image27qq.gif

[500ZHP]

Go to Google

Type in-> find chuck norris

Press i'm feeling lucky



http://www.google.com./

[Philip]

Funny, I was just talking about this thread! lol

[88e28]

He's alive again.:luxhello:

[Philip]

Wayne I love the new look of your vert, but that chrome BMW tag has got to go bro. I just ordered the black bumper strip (tag bracket thing) for a Euro plate for my car this morning. it was $14 at my cost. Your car would look awesome with a euro tag up front, and I just so happen to have the euro bumper strip for your car in my closet. Fourteen bucks and she's all yours.

[88e28]

Good idea, Thinking about it.

[PatZ3]

GCR - All I can say is excellent!!!

[jone3036]

Beware!!! Philip has a lot of things in his closet!!!!!

I'm only joking. I am just jealous of his ultra hot girlfriend!

[Philip]

Beware!!! Philip has a lot of things in his closet!!!!!

I'm only joking. I am just jealous of his ultra hot girlfriend!

Is she in my closet?
Ah- which reminds me, I'm almost out of staples. I need to go to ClofficeMax tomorrow.

[500ZHP]

Chuck Norris top 10, read by Chuck Norris.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8QAeoFdM5g

[500ZHP]

These rules are from Chuck Norris' personal code. They are:

1. I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways.
2. I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements.
3. I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family.
4. I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile.
5. If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing.
6. I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
7. I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness.
8. I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times.
9. I will always remain loyal to God, my country, family and my friends.
10. I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself.

Straight from the man, himself.

Did you know he's almost 70 years old?!!!

Not to be confused with the top 10 Chuck Norris facts:

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
9. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
10. Chuck Norris can lap the 'Ring in 7:15 wearing dress shoes.


oh a few more.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

/smile. Can never have to much Chuck Norris. Hope there not all reposts.

[blackstig]

You know that lap of the ring was done without a car?!?! :-O

-Stig

[Philip]

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Dress shoes! I love it.

[88e28]

He's back again. Just can't get rid of Chuck.:luxhello::luxhello:

[Philip]

So a pirate walks into a bar and he's got a steering wheel on his crotch.
He sits down next to Chuck Norris and Chuck says "What's with the steering wheel on your crotch?"
The pirate points at the wheel and says "Arrrhggg, this thing?- It drives me nuts."

[88e28]

Thats funny as hell, You should write a book about Chuck Norris.

[atl530i]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/funny-pictures-chuck-norris-cat.jpg

[88e28]

:thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

[500ZHP]

http://www.savagechickens.com/images/chickennorris.jpg


Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.

Only Chuck Norris can clog a toilet with his piss.

Little kids can pee their name in the snow, Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

The best part of waking up is not having Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris did not kill you in your sleep.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris round-house kickled a horse in the face.

When Chuck norris gives you the finger, he's indicating how many seconds you have left to live...

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands. They are now known as the Islands.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall in tennis.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

[Philip]

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!
Long live the best thread in history!

[500ZHP]

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o108/J4ckTh3L4d/1175365342603.gif


Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 2003 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris orders a Big Mac at Burger King, and gets one.

[atl530i]

It's back!!! :) This thread is great.

[Stretch]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIgey9NLdhk&feature=related

The government wanted to put Chuck Norris' face on Mt. Rushmore but the granite wasnt hard enough for his beard.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

[Trout]

http://www.jokeroo.com/funnyvideos/chuck_norris_family_guy.html

[500ZHP]

http://www.hahastop.com/pictures/Chuck_Norris_Was_Here.jpg

[Philip]

Bump for the best thread I've ever made


http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm114/carlosvosco/TyroneBiggums.gif

:wave:

[Mitch]

Chuck was here pic is funny as hell!

[88e28]

Alright he's back. Time to laugh today.:luxhello:

[Philip]

Buuuuuuuuuuuummmmp.

[e30bmw]

Buuuuuuuuuuuummmmp.

Ummmmmmm


YES!

[dinanm3atl]

Chuck Norris drives an e28. I read it on the net.

[e30bmw]

Ummmmmmm


YES!

Haha, I will forgive you for changing my post because of the reason.

Chuck Norris drives an e28. I read it on the net.

It is to keep the miles off his E30(and I stole that from some guy on bf.c, so don't get on my case).

[Philip]

Chuck Norris drives an e28. I read it on the net.



It is to keep the miles off his E30.

HAHAHAHAHA

Pwn4ge.

[dinanm3atl]

HAHAHAHAHA

Pwn4ge.

That was good.

[Trout]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2056/2084264305_82025b4dd6_o.jpg

[Philip]

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/KGB_0013/Chuck-Norris.jpg

[e30bmw]

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/KGB_0013/Chuck-Norris.jpg

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That would not be nearly as funny if I didn't play Magic a few years back. Now that was a fun card game.

[Trout]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That would not be nearly as funny if I didn't play Magic a few years back. Now that was a fun card game.

...and you didn't have a Chuck Norris card did you?

[e30bmw]

...and you didn't have a Chuck Norris card did you?

I wish I did. I would have beasted with that card...

[dinanm3atl]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That would not be nearly as funny if I didn't play Magic a few years back. Now that was a fun card game.

I still have mine...

Couple thousand dollars worth in a sealed case :)

[e30bmw]

I still have mine...

Couple thousand dollars worth in a sealed case :)

I still have mine too, not that much worth though. I started playing when I was like 11 and some of my friends got into it when I lived in NY. When I moved down here, I stopped playing. That was fun times though.

For my generation, Pokemon was the big thing, but that card game sucked. It was cool collecting the cards, but the game was not fun. Magic was just a fun game.

[Philip]

I still have mine...

Couple thousand dollars worth in a sealed case :)

I still have mine too, not that much worth though. I started playing when I was like 11 and some of my friends got into it when I lived in NY. When I moved down here, I stopped playing. That was fun times though.

For my generation, Pokemon was the big thing, but that card game sucked. It was cool collecting the cards, but the game was not fun. Magic was just a fun game.

Gay nerds.

[e30bmw]

Gay nerds.

Ummm, you posted the picture, leading me to believe that you played Magic. Maybe you didn't but why would you have saved/created that picture?

[Philip]

Ummm, you posted the picture, leading me to believe that you played Magic. Maybe you didn't but why would you have saved/created that picture?

LOL I have never played that game in my life, nor do I want to.
I stumbled on that picture on PhotoBucket. Do a search for Chuck Norris and it will come up.

[dinanm3atl]

LOL I have never played that game in my life, nor do I want to.
I stumbled on that picture on PhotoBucket. Do a search for Chuck Norris and it will come up.

So it meant something to me and Doug.

You are calling us gay and you have a picture of one of the wheels of your car on your desk, you listen to Dave Matthews Band and you have a frequent visitor card to Swinging Richards.

Who is gay?

[Philip]

So it meant something to me and Doug.

You are calling us gay and you have a picture of one of the wheels of your car on your desk, you listen to Dave Matthews Band and you have a frequent visitor card to Swinging Richards.

Who is gay?

HAHAHAHAAH!!!!
And that is only partially true! (I brought the picture home :shifty)

[e30bmw]

So it meant something to me and Doug.

You are calling us gay and you have a picture of one of the wheels of your car on your desk, you listen to Dave Matthews Band and you have a frequent visitor card to Swinging Richards.

Who is gay?

Dave Matthews Band? Seriously? Are you a bro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8)?

[Philip]

Dave Matthews Band? Seriously? Are you a bro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8)?

HAHAHAHA No.

[dinanm3atl]

Dave Matthews Band? Seriously? Are you a bro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8)?

Yes he is.

[Philip]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

[88e28]

Funny thing, I was going to bring him back today.

[dinanm3atl]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Still lame.


I heard Chuck Norris is an avid Glory Hole user.

[Philip]

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman on Earth, once a month.

They bleed for an entire week as a result.

[88e28]

Hey Philip, Did Chuck Norris kick your ass? I haven't seen you around lately.